About the beer

We’re a week out from our brewing session and I’m finally resting easy. You see we got home from the homebrew store and I threw the hops and the yeast into the freezer. Yes, I threw the yeast package into the freezer. I was sure I had killed the yeast (the hops were supposed to go in there). The better-half said the overall cost of all the ingredients was negligible so why not try making the beer anyway. The voice of reason.

So, we heated up some water and steeped the grains:

It’s basically like letting a tea bag steep. See how dark the water got from having the grains in there:

You add a bunch more water and then reheat to a specific temperature. After the magic temperature is reached, you add the malt which is the syrup that adds some flavor and gives your yeast something to eat:

And, what would beer be without hops? Gross. That’s what. We used two different hops that went into the brew at different times. And, by the way, these are hop pellets.

We cooled the wort (pronounced wert) so that the poor yeast could go in and not die (for sure) in a fiery bath. The blue bucket had some bricks in the bottom so the cook pot had something to sit on and let water get underneath it and then we threw in a bag of ice and some water. When the pot melted the ice, we added the gazillion ice packs we have in the freezer.

We waited less than an hour to get to the appropriate temperature. And then I pitched the yeast:

She who pitches the yeast is the brewer. I am a brewer of beer!

We strained out all the spent hops and whatever other stuff that didn’t need to be in the beer:

Looks tasty, doesn’t it? It smelled good.

The strained beer went into a brewing bucket and we attached the airlock. We moved the bucket into the house because the ideal temperature for fermentation is in the upper 60s. Since Mother Nature refuses to believe that it is May and we should have consistent temperatures in the 70s by now, we knew leaving the bucket in the garage wasn’t a good idea (Mother Nature you are a cruel mistress this spring). All week I have talked to my beer and the yeast specifically. Who freezes yeast?

Our batch of beer was 2.5 gallons. Our bucket is 6.5 gallons. Basically most people brew 5 gallon batches, but we wanted to start off small and end up with 24 bottles of beer for our first batch. What I’m saying is we have a lot of headroom in our bucket for CO2 to build up. Last night we got home from dinner with friends and sat down near the bucket. The airlock was burping. Halleluiah I did not kill the yeast.

airlock burp video

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Tired of cleaning up

You should know cleaning out the litter box is the 3rd thing I do every weekday morning. This step in my morning process comes shortly after 6am. It’s good to start off everyday with something gross, don’t you think?

This week I had to pick a turd off the floor more than once. Simon needs to quit kicking it out of the box as he manically tries to cover. There was a huge hairball on Tuesday. The better-half rushed out on the porch to chase a not ours feral off the porch which caused an our feral to squirt out diarrhea all over one of the screen panels. Guess who cleaned it up? Guess. You have one choice.

Then there was the vomit on the porch floor another day. And, as I was vacuuming this evening, I came across a huge puddle of dried vomit on the dining room rug.

Whatever hits the floor this weekend is NOT my responsibility.

Posted in General Spleen Venting | 3 Comments

Too polite?

As you know, I can be a smart-mouthed jerk. Usually I keep my manners in mind and I really try hard to be as pleasant as possible when I’m at work or in public. Really. Sometimes I’m not successful and people close to me have often said, “thanks for saying what I was thinking”.

With that said, today was my first day at work as an employee and not as a consultant/contractor. Folks were nice about it, although, they’ve worked with me for three months so there wasn’t much fanfare. I have a ton of paperwork to go through tonight so our benefits can kick in ASAP. The thing that has stuck in my craw today is the contracting company.

I know we were never friends and the whole point was for me to get a job and for them to get paid. But, when I emailed the three people I’ve dealt with on this contract my final time sheet and a quick thank you, the response was completely underwhelming. I maintained my professionalism, but screw them.

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Coming Soon

We are going to brew our first beer tomorrow. Shooting for a summer ale. Details to follow.

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On The Way Home

Here’s a diagram so you know what I’m talking about. It’s not drawn to scale, but it does look a lot like a wine bottle, don’t you think?

There’s a stretch of road that sort of guides you into one lane and if you don’t stop at the gas station just down from the spot pictured above, then I consider you local. Because there is NO reason to go this way unless you are someone coming off the highway to buy gas or you are someone who lives out here in BFE. Being local means you know the frigging deal with this stretch of road.

I’m tooling along and realize the dump truck is Mr. Lee. I don’t actually know Mr. Lee but he lives not too far from our house and I’m frequently behind him as we both head home. He drives the dump truck like a race car driver. He doesn’t screw around. And, he keeps a very clean truck so there’s never, in the 10+ years I’ve been behind him, any thought of something flying up or out and cracking you in the windshield. He’s cool.

Now, you’ll notice in the above diagram there’s a Camry marked as Cow. This is because she started speeding up to crowd me out of being able to merge over into the lane. I DO NOT care about being behind Mr. Lee as I’ve said. But, apparently, Cow is a cow because she was busy speeding up to cut me off and FAILED to notice that she’d be behind a dump truck. At the last possible minute, she starts that “oh I didn’t mean to speed up, you go ahead and get in between me and that dump truck” crap. FUG no, Cow. You wanted to be ahead of me. Go right ahead. So I slowed way down and let Cow go ahead, pretty as you please.

Heh, heh, heh. That poor woman had no idea what hit her. A dump truck that flies around corners and a passive-aggressive maniac behind her making sure she keeps pace with the NASCAR dump truck. Because, if you are too damn dumb to see a red dump truck in front of you, then you get sandwiched between fast drivers and you SUCK it.

Posted in General Spleen Venting, Thinking | 1 Comment

Who is in there?

We saw the first swallowtail of the season (Virginia’s state bug) and went out to investigate.

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Specifically, we wanted to know if it came out of the above. Nope, that little package is still wrapped up. And, the swallowtail evaded the camera.

Posted in Gardening | 3 Comments

Don’t Want To Know

I have two big training sessions that I’m leading coming up in the next few weeks. And, by that, I mean my rooms are capped at 100 people and the registration is still open because we’re only like 60-70% full at this point (I stopped looking at the number earlier today). Sweet Jesus. I’ve never trained that many people all at once. In one week, I’ll talk to 200 or more people. I can go a month or more and not do that, easily.

One day I’m leading the training for an hour and then immediately (like in minutes) turning around to be the wing-(wo)man for my co-worker. He has a training of about 10-20 in the room right after mine. He’ll be my wing-man so both of us are holy-cowing it right now. The bummer is that we finish mine, start his and at some point say around 2 or 3 we can eat lunch/take a bathroom break.

I’m sure it will be fine. And, it is one way to welcome in my first week as a real employee. Yep, that’s right. I’ll be converting over on May 1st instead of June 1st. Additional background checks are going on now. Wheeeeee!

Posted in Generic Thoughts, Watching | 3 Comments

It’s OK

Last night we walked around the yard and let ourselves into the garden to check the progress of the asparagus. Nothing yet, but I bet there will be by next weekend. We’re finally going to have spring temperatures here. I’m thrilled. Tomorrow I have plans to work on weeding flower beds and doing other outside stuff.

As we were walking around we checked on the aeration and seeding a service did for us earlier in the week. I told the better-half this morning that I was so glad someone else did it. I’m finally letting myself be OK with someone else doing the work. It’s not that I can’t, but it’s just not something that I like doing and the last time I was in charge of doing it the stupid lawn mower and I got jacked up. So, paying for the service is alright with me.

Today we took the chain saw and the weed eater to be serviced. The guys at the counter were happy to write up the chain saw for tuning and sharpening, but they were all “seriously, don’t spend money on that hunk of sh*t” when they looked at the weed eater. We walked out of the store with a brand-new weed eater and I’m thrilled. The battery packs are charging now and I can’t wait to buzz the crap out of stuff tomorrow. A girl and her weed eater is a happy thing.


Updated 4/7/13: The new weed eater is awesome. It’s a Black and Decker with a lithium battery pack. It’s light and I did not run out of juice halfway through the task. I’m looking at you, old weed eater.

Posted in House Proud | 2 Comments

Makes me wish I had an avocado

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The Garden

We went out to the garden today to mow down the weeds in the asparagus patch. The better-half hit the fruit vines too.

I’m happy to say the chives survived their wintering in the garage and I dug up either early garlic or onions that volunteered in the garden. I’m ashamed to say I’m not sure exactly what they are. At some point both onions and garlic were planted in the general area.
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Updated at dinner:
It’s garlic and is now tied up and hanging in the garage.

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