Frog and Goat

I left early Tuesday morning to fly to Vegas via Denver. There was a line of storms through the area of Georgia and to say we thought we were all going to die is not hyperbole. According to being there and being lifted out of our seats AND the data from FlightAware, we dropped thousands of feet multiple times. It was enough for the flight crew to pretty much tell us how to find vomit bags and how to get cool air pointed right on our faces so we didn’t pass out from anxiety. Anytime in the future when I hear there will be turbulence, I will think about this trip. Because usually when turbulence is mentioned it is nothing more than what I experience driving on Richmond city streets (notoriously shitty pot-holed streets–where exactly are the 1000s in taxes I’m handing over going).

So we didn’t die, obviously, and then hit some smoother air. Everyone on the plane decided they had to pee and I am somehow gifted with sitting practically in the toilet since I’m always at the rear of the plane for work trips. I saw nearly everyone on that flight get up and use the bathroom. After the 5th or 6th hour on the plane, I actually went too. Let me tell you as soon as the seatbelt light went off I was like an Olympic runner because at some point the girl sitting right next to the toilet should get to use it and screw everyone who had been every time the seatbelt light went off.

Did you notice the 5th or 6th hour part above? Did you say to yourself, you live in Richmond and were flying to Denver?? Yeah, the math doesn’t work on a normal day. This wasn’t a normal day. After nearly dying, we learned heavy snow hit the Denver airport and so we flew in circles and had to land in Grand Junction, CO to refuel. There were several big-ass planes on the tarmac at basically an airstrip. I’m sure all those big-ass planes used all the fuel and sorry, not sorry Grand Junction planes. Suck it.

We landed in Denver and then had to wait for a gate. Then had to wait for someone to push the freaking jetway to the plane. At some point we were told sit down, buckle up and hold it because the lavatory was full and no more snacks or water because we ain’t got none or you people can’t pee so we aren’t going to hydrate you–whatever. I was happy not to have someone’s nervous crotch or ass in my face. The back of the plane stank. After 10 hours on the plane, we disembarked. The pilots and flight attendants did well. Most of the passengers did well. At one point a flight attendant ran down the aisle. No one fell into the aisle so I really don’t know what that was about, but it is not a good day when a flight attendant acts like they are worried.

We were delayed in Denver because, of course, we were. We thought we were being smart by choosing a flight that was a bit earlier than the one we were re-booked on, but that other plane, the one we chose not to take to Vegas, left before the earlier one. I’m thinking the only reason that happened was because 4 of us were trying to get to Vegas for work. Our bags were on that earlier plane. So I guess it all worked out because we finally all got to our hotel at the same time. We missed our walk through meeting with the hotel because it took us eleventy-billion hours to get to Vegas. We ate dinner, went to bed and woke up at o’dark thirty to prep the conference room for our meeting. Meeting was successful.

Other things:

• Finally played slots and didn’t win. I thought I did but then I played the second night and finally called it quits after the machines basically said thanks for the cash, idiot. My friend and I did each score one watered down free drink so that achievement was unlocked.
• Saw one very bedraggled Elvis.
• The Bellagio fountain never disappoints.
• The people watching was fantastic.