Frog and Goat

I was asked to attend a meeting today about data. It’s not as awful as it may sound because I’m seriously interested in why we don’t use data to our advantage. After the meeting I’m discouraged. There were 4 people in the meeting and 2 of us had a clue. One has potential for finding the clue and the fourth could be run over by a Mack truck full of clues and she’d still look around and ask, what was that?

Clueless Annie is our person in charge of special projects. If that’s not a nebulous task, I’m not sure what is. At least she’s only a part-timer. Still. She’s basically in charge of working on quarterly reports and she admitted today that she has no idea how to use Excel and that the tutorials offered by Microsoft are just too long. WTF? Actually W. T. F?

She suggested that perhaps we should look into having a half-day on training so all of us could attend. I managed not to throttle her right there but instead urged her to try the tutorials that are FREELY available because they are pretty good. Really. Take it from me–I write training curriculum. Microsoft does a nice job training you on how to use their MFing software. The Clue-Filled person seconded my idea of using the tutorials and added that Help was quite good as well. All true.

I went to a beginning Excel class 15 years ago and was bored to tears. Then I went to an intermediate one and then I bought a big-ass Excel bible and there’s absolutely no way in Hell that I’m ever taking a mickey-mouse Excel class again especially with Clueless Annie. She’s clueless and Dear God! her breath stinks. You know the breath I’m talking about–the I’ve only drank coffee all day long and ate a shit sandwich for lunch stank. Help me, but I think that stank is still stuck in my nose. For Pete’s sake she knew we were all going to be crammed into a tiny room and jumbled on top of each other. I had onions at lunch and I had the courtesy to chew a freaking piece of gum. GAAARRRRR.

For Christmas we gave the MIL a rose bouquet a month from FTD. We bought the six month plan and today she was supposed to get her second delivery. UPS claims they can’t find the recipient name and won’t deliver the flowers until Monday. That’s awesome. Flowers hanging out in a truck/warehouse until Monday. Assholes. Now, I ask you how the frak did FedEx manage to get the delivery there without incident in December but UPS can’t seem to find a HUGE adult living community?

I went to FTD to lodge a complaint and I am sick to death of websites that say EMAIL US and then they proceed to strangle the everliving out of your complaint by not actually giving you the opportunity to complain unless it fits into a very narrow choice of pull-down menus. After fiddle fucking around on their site, I finally managed to send them an email. I know I could have called an 800 number, but I’ll be damned if I’m calling India to get a flower delivery issue in Richmond, VA resolved on Friday afternoon.

It just goes to prove the adage of No Good Deed Goes Unpunished and the newer adage that you may not have heard of When It Comes To The MIL There Will Be A Black Hole.